On Sunday, our pastor taught on the illusion that we are in control of our situations, when the reality is that we're only in control of our response to the situation we go through. I have heard this many time, but this time was completely different. Of course God was speaking through our pastor to me directly!
The night before, John and I just had a conversation about how I am trying too hard to control the pregnancy, and not giving it to God. I am completely aware of this weakness in me when it comes to our pregnancy.
I totally recognize that I cannot control the fate of this pregnancy, and I have a teeny, tiny, insignificant part in this whole thing. I know that if it's God's will for Baby Bean to thrive, and survive...it will happen. At the same time, I want to be a good mother, and I want to do everything I can on my end to be proactive during the pregnancy. I want to educate myself, consider the pros and cons of different tests/diagnoses, stay on top of my appointments, ask the doctor questions and get clear answers, and everything in between. I'm not one of those people who throws her hands up in the air, and says..'Well, it is what it is...what can I do about it?'
With all of that said, me not giving God control is a pride issue, which is translated into sin. Me not trusting God that He will sustain this pregnancy, and give John and I a healthy baby is a sin, and I want to stay far away from that! The more I focus on me wanting everything to work, and my part in making everything work- the less I focus on God's will, timing, and plan for John and I.
I am constantly praying for God to help me trust Him, allow him to change my anxiety into excitement, and that ultimately our story can be a witness to others of God's faithfulness.
2 comments:
You are precious. I so need this reminder in many aspects of my life.
Ambre, if you want you can check out Stu's talk online for free. It was amazing! Leah, it must be so difficult for you to admit this and let go of the "control" after everything you and John have been through to get to this point. God has a specific plan and purpose for your little baby. Don't ever forget that! He loves them more than you ever could, even up to dying for them. Remembering this helps me when I get worried about how much I can't control about London's life, as she grows.
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