The story

I want to share a little of the 'back story' of our first 12 weeks. We didn't tell many people, and the people we did tell we asked to not share the news with others. We've experienced 3 miscarriages and I always fear it will happen again.

We were really surprised when we found out we were pregnant! I mean, not shocked (because we stopped using protection, so there is always a chance something could happen...) but surprised for sure! We got pregnant the first month not using protection (sorry if this is TMI for any male readers), which was also a huge surprise for us because for a little over two years we didn't use protection and had a really hard time getting (and staying) pregnant.

I found out I was pregnant on June 19th. I took a picture of the pregnancy test, and sent it to John with the caption, 'guess what...!!' Neither of us could believe it happened that quickly! We decided in the spring that we would stop using protection in the summer and start trying with hopes that by the fall or winter we'd get pregnant. I filled a prescription for Progesterone (a hormone your body makes, which is necessary for the pregnancy to continue; but my body does not make) and started it immediately. I called my doctor's office and they had me come in to test my Progesterone levels a few days after using it. The levels looked good, and so they changed my yearly GYN appointment that was scheduled the following week to an OB appointment. John and I went in, and the doctor had  hard time finding anything on the screen. She saw the yok sac, but couldn't identify clearly a fetus or a heartbeat. She confirmed the date of my last period and said that very likely what could have happened was that I ovulated later in my cycle, so although the calendar is saying I'm 6 wks, i am likely only 5 wks, which is why they're having difficulty seeing something on the screen. She scheduled us to come back in one week. I was pretty nervous that week, and didn't want to talk about it with John at all. I prepared myself for the worst, while praying God would allow us to see a heartbeat at our next appointment. We went in a week later, on 7/6/12 and saw a flutter :)

After that, things were smooth sailing! I allowed myself to get *more* excited about the pregnancy and around 8/9 wks I started to tell friends. When we were up in NY visiting, we had Avery wear a shirt that shared the news of her being a big sister! It was fun to see everyone's reaction after reading her shirt, pausing, and then realizing what it meant!

We shared the news yesterday after we heard and saw the heartbeat at our 12 wk appointment. In many ways, I'm really nervous about adding another baby to the mix. Life is comfortable right now, and totally manageable for John and I. Sure things get hairy here and there when Avery decides to play with her poop, or have a tantrum for no reason, but for the most part totally manageable! I'm intentionally deciding to soak up quiet moments in the house, or take a short nap while Avery is napping, because I know when #2 comes, those moments won't be as frequent.

Thanks for all the well wishes and excitement sent our way! It always makes things sweeter when you can share exciting news :)

My job is hard.

This is something that has been on my mind for a while. Please no judgement! I love my daughter immeasurably, and I'm a good mom. But what you're about to read is honest and real.

Motherhood is hard. It doesn't matter if you're mothering one child, or five children- it's hands down the hardest job I have ever had! As a mother, you go in and out of different stages of parenting. There's the newborn stage where you're trying to guess what's wrong with them, and why they're crying. Sleepless nights make for a very tired mommy. There's the pre-toddler stage where they get into everything, and your house is no longer nicely decorated...it becomes child-proofed, which = boring and blah. There's the toddler stage (where I am right now) where they develop their personalities, can talk more and express their wants/dislikes, and are inconsistent with their behavior. There's clearly way more stages beyond what I've listed above, but I have not experienced them yet as a mom, so I won't go there.

For each mom, we experience these stages differently. Avery was an easy newborn/baby. I mean it...as easy as they come! She nursed beautifully, she started sleeping through the night at a month old, napped great, and took to a routine like a champ. Aaaaand everyone was right...'If she's this good as a baby, you know how she'll be when she's a toddler...?!' She has the strongest personality out of any ones kid I know (that sentence sounds strange, and I probably didn't write it grammatically correct, but oh well!), has a tremendous amount of energy, and has an iron will. She is also affectionate, sweet, has a stellar memory, and communicative. But altogether- she is a challenging child to parent. Not all the time, but most of the time. I try not to get frustrated and impatient with her, but it's hard!

Since resigning from my job as a teacher, and taking on the full-time stay at home mom status, I have really worked hard with Avery on her communication (manners, being polite, requesting what she wants without getting upset), and her behavior (not throwing toys, being gentle, simple hygiene, and doing what we ask the first time). I've seen a HUGE difference since being home with her full-time, and one of my friends, not even knowing she gave me the biggest compliment of my life said to me a month ago, 'Leah...I can totally tell she's home with you! She's being so good!' Ahhh- music.to.my.ears.

It's so easy as a mom to get caught up in what other moms and kids are doing, meeting/exceeding milestones, and performing in general. It's so unhealthy, and the speaker at our women's event at church last night said destructive! I compare (all the time), Avery to other kids her age and it's so unfair...to her, and to me!

The speaker last night said we need to reclaim the joy of motherhood and the first way to do that is to invite God into our role as parents. Not just here and there when it's easy, but all the time and throughout the day.

I don't want to miss out on loving and cherishing my role as a mother because I get frustrated or impatient. And I don't want to be a frazzled mom who is a mess. I want to teach Avery God's love for her, show her how much I (and her daddy) love her...no matter how many times she's played with her poop that day :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIRzGPT4t68

My Crowded Mind

I haven't blogged in a while, so I figured I'd do a random update on things going on.

* It's been crazy hot in VA. I hate the heat, and don't tolerate it well. I shut down and get grumpy.
* We got a big(ish) pool for our patio a few days ago. It's 10 ft wide, and 24 in deep. Perfect for taking the edge off on these hot days!
* One of my best friends is pregnant and I'm helping to plan her baby shower (again!) the end of August. It brings me back to 2 summers ago when Claire, Katey, and I all had our baby showers just weeks apart.
* We're making a few changes to rooms in our house over the next few months. We are in the process of changing our office into a playroom (since we hardly use it as an office anymore), and in the fall are going to add an addition onto our downstairs bathroom to make a laundry room add-on. Pretty stoked!
* We leave in a week for our NY trip and I cannot wait to see our families!
* I've really missed seeing my Dutrow girlfriends everyday. Just goes to show that they were far more than co-workers. They were real friends!
* We love our church (Coastal Community Church) and every Sunday feel like we're learning and growing more! This week I get to go to another women's event, which I'm super excited about!
* Avery is turning 2 yrs old in three months. HOLY COW!
* I've been going to my old Bible study again (which I went to for years before we moved to WV), and am so glad I'm back. I missed it, and those ladies.
* I cannot wait for the fall, and fall-ish foods (chili, pumpkin pie...)
* I chopped my hair and I love it! Short haired girls always have more fun :)

+ side to Facebook

There are many times that I'm over Facebook, and find it exhausting and draining. It's safe to say I have a love/hate relationship with social media...closer to the dislike side lately. Waaaayyyy too much bragging, gossip, and outright flaunting for me.

I digress. On Friday evening, as John and I were driving to our campsite to meet up with friends, I came across an article that a friend posted on FB regarding the movie Magic Mike and the female Christian's response to this movie. I'm not going to lie- prior to reading this article, I very likely would have seen the movie, but feel very convicted and have made a commitment not to see it. The article was written by a Christian male, and he brought up some very good points. There are a few points he makes, but the most convicting and relative to me was: would I want John to go to a movie mainly about female strippers and then coming home and telling me how hot and sexy those women are?! Um- NO! If I feel strongly that he shouldn't expose his eyes and heart to those things, why should I expose my eyes, and my heart to those things?! You got it...the answer is- I shouldn't be.

Here is the article I read last Friday, and it's been on my mind since.

http://sammyadebiyi.com/blogs/sammy-adebiyi/magic-mike-and-female-christians-response-sex


If it wasn't for Facebook, I likely would not have come across this article, and likely wouldn't have been challenged about this moral issue. I'm far from a perfect person, and I'm okay admitting that I need people in my life to shine light on areas that I may not be aware of.


Thanks, Facebook. You're not so bad...

Who am I?

The last week or two has been a little rough. There have been some ups and downs, and I've been emotional. I've doubted myself and the choices I've made. I can be so hard on myself, and I've realize that when I go through times like this, although I pray and seek god, I don't always do it first. Usually the irrational emotions and thoughts come first, and going to God comes second. So sad. Why haven't I learned my lesson yet in this particular area of my life? Why do I allow myself to be hurt and act powerless, or helpless? Who am I?!

At Bible study last night I shared something I'm currently going through. I jokingly called it the appetizer to my prayer request because I was just planning on bringing the topic up later when prayer requests were shared. The last question to answer was this:

     ' I would like for us to spend the remaining time we have thinking about areas in our lives where we might have unbelief.  Areas that maybe God has proclaimed victory yet because of unbelief you and I are not walking in that victory.  Or maybe areas in which God has ask us to have courage and hope yet we are suffocated by unbelief and have not moved forward.  Please use the space below to ask God if there are areas of unbelief and what he wants you to do about it.'

    For me, it was a very easy question to answer. I knew exactly where I had unbelief in my life. My answer: 

 '   'What is my identity exclusively in you, God? Apart from my identity as a wife, mother, friend, teacher, daughter, and sister...who am I? And if all the people and things I care about are stripped away from me, will you be enough?' 

      Our Bible study leader told me that my homework was to look up verses that speaks to my identity in Christ, and instead of focusing on the hurt and disappointment I feel about something right now, rather to focus and claim my identity in the God who created me. So- that is what I'm going to do! I looked some up this morning, and found a ton!

       Ephesians 2;10  For me are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good work, which God prepared in advance fr us to do. 

       Galatians 4: 6-7 Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." So you are no longer a slave, but  a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

       Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

       1 Thessalonians 5:5 You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.

       I'm thankful that I am loved, chosen, and cherished by God. My identity in Him is powerful and I need to start living it out that way, instead of being saddened by the people/circumstances in my life who disappoint me. I will be just fine without my identity being wrapped up in being a wife, mother, etc. It will be hard, so hard. But being satisfied in the identify I have in Him will be so sweet, and so worth the pain.

      What's an area of your life where you may have unbelief?

Here's to you, JD!

John Dorr is a stellar dad! I could write a loooooooooooooooong post about his awesomeness, but instead I'll highlight the details of his 19 months of being a stellar dad.

* John stayed by Avery's side after she was born and didn't stray for a minute. He was enamored with her.
* He has been diligent about putting money into her 529 (VA college savings account) since she was 3 months old.
* He makes sure to give her a hug and a kiss when he walks into the door after work and I constantly see him stop what he's doing so he can enjoy her.
* He protects her and watches over her.
* He's tender with her when he needs to be, and rolling on her ground playing bucking bronco with her the next second.

Avery is so blessed to have a dad who loves, nurtures, and looks after her. Here's to you, JD! I know fatherhood isn't always easy, but you have taken on this role seamlessly. You were designed to be HER daddy :)

I don't like robbers.

This blog post is a little heavy. Sorry.

At my Bible study yesterday, the leader said (which I totally agree with) that she sees a lot of mothers these days who have been robbed of joy. She's made an observation that it's a more recent thing (as in our generation) that mother's are experiencing. She said there were obviously ups and downs when her generation (she's in her 50s) was raising their kids, but nothing like today's generation of mothers. I have experienced it myself. Not all the time- but for sure here and there throughout the last 19 months of being a mom.

* You can be having an awesome day, and then poof- your child doesn't hit a milestone like a friend's child and you feel like a bad mom for some reason.

* Someone can make a judgemental comment about how you are/aren't parenting and all of a sudden you're questioning yourself.

* You feel content, and happy, and then you log into Facebook and see that your friends have a prettier, cleaner, shinier, less chaotic life than you- poof...you're knocked down.

I definitely wouldn't say this is how I feel most of the time, but once in a while these negative thoughts do enter my mind, and I couldn't agree more with my Bible study leader- something is robbing our joy, bringing us down and the kids notice...they do! I'm not sure if it's because of social media, or because everything is so public and easily criticized/dissected, but we are so competitive (even if you don't think you are) with each other. It was the general consensus at the table yesterday that we are selfish. Ouch! It hurts to even type that word. But it's so true. Our homework for next week is to come with a list of things that rob us of joy (in motherhood, marriage, or life in general), and I've already been making a mental list.

If you feel comfortable, tell me something that robs you of joy in your life.